Your Friends

Many survivors say they sometimes feel 'different' from their peers. Some feel more mature or more empathetic and understanding of others. Others feel that their concerns, interests or values have changed. As a result, you may feel disconnected from your peers.

On the other hand, surviving cancer has given you many strengths, including self-confidence and a more open approach to life. Your peers may see you as a role model and may find a new perspective for their own concerns.

For many survivors, cancer and its treatment lead to the loss of some friendships and changes in others. This can happen for any number of reasons. Friends may have moved on to other friendships while you were undergoing treatment, or they may be uncomfortable with you because they don't understand cancer. Your own feelings of rejection and vulnerability may have played a part. You may even have experienced some teasing.

Sharing your history will allow your friends to ask questions and discuss any concerns. If friends or partners have a problem with your past cancer history, they may need more information or they may be reacting to concerns from their own past. It's difficult and disappointing to be rejected by someone frightened by the fact that you are a cancer survivor. However, it's better to find this out early in a relationship rather than later. Educating your friends about cancer is the best way to overcome any discomfort they may feel about your health. Be sure to stress the fact that cancer is not contagious.

Meeting new people can also be difficult for survivors. But try not to let fear of rejection prevent you from seeking new relationships or continuing to build and maintain existing ones. If you feel anxious, awkward or shy, set small goals for yourself to make the task of meeting people easier. Here are some suggestions:

• Learn to smile or compliment one person each day. As you feel more comfortable, increase communications.
• Join a community interest group, club, support group, recreational activity or sports team.
• Consider volunteering.
• Take a class that interests you.
• Build on relationships you already have. Friends can offer great support and also lead you to new people.