Your Other Children
When your child was diagnosed with cancer, it probably felt as if your world was falling apart. After all, children aren't supposed to get cancer. But they do-and childhood cancer affects the entire family, forever.
Parents face enormous challenges, including maintaining a household, leaving jobs, taking care of other children, making medical decisions and ensuring the family's financial stability-while also caring for and comforting a sick child. Brothers and sisters of the sick child face challenges, too. They miss their parents and their sibling terribly during hospitalizations, and must frequently stay with relatives or friends. They may take on additional responsibilities at home. And, of course, they worry.
Children are particularly sensitive to the drastic changes that occur within the family once a sibling has been diagnosed with cancer. Confusion, fear, anger and jealousy are often expressed through behavior. It is important to recognize that behavioral changes may be a symptom of unexpressed emotional issues. Here are some suggestions to help you cope with the difficulties children face when their sibling has cancer:
- Talk with your children about cancer and its treatment in words they can understand and at a level that is age-appropriate. Encourage them to ask questions. Talk with a member of the oncology team if you are not sure how to discuss cancer with your children.
- Reassure your children that nothing they did or said has caused the cancer. Tell them that cancer is not contagious and childhood cancer is rare.
- Encourage your children to participate in the care of their sibling, both at home and in the hospital. And don't worry that visiting in the hospital will be too traumatic for your kids; for most children, imagining what's happening in the hospital is scarier than seeing a sick sibling, even under negative conditions.
- Spend individual time with each sibling.
- Encourage your children to express their feelings openly and honestly, and to keep a journal to help them work through their emotions. Allow them to be angry, sad or scared-and reassure them that these feelings are normal and appropriate. Consider counseling, if necessary, to help your children deal with their concerns or frustrations.
- When you talk with your child about cancer, watch her body language for clues to her true feelings.
- Discuss your family's situation with your children's teachers. They can be a source of support for your children during the day.
- Ask the hospital's child-life specialist for suggestions.
- Find out if the hospital offers activities for siblings.
- Remind your children that you love them. Shower them with hugs, kisses and plenty of affection.
- Take advantage of sibling programs and sibling camps.
